Pressed Between the Pages of My Life
by Tugging at Sunbeams
Summary: Saved from oneshotness. Angsty Edmundcentic fic.
1. Memories

Hey you! So, this is my first fanfiction, aren't you excited? I'm not sure whether this will be longer, or not. I guess it all depends on if you crazies review or not! This isn't really intended to be Edmund/Lucy, they just have a sweet relationship.

Oh that thing down there? It's just a list of kind of melancholy songs that would be good to listen to while reading this. Music is kind of my life, so yeah.

**Suggested Listening**: "Hide and Seek"–Imogen Heap

"Digging A Ditch"–Dave Matthews Band

"Eveline"–Nickel Creek

"Nowhere Warm"–Kate Havnevik

"Top of the World"–Dixie Chicks

"Trouble"-Coldplay

"Here with Me"-Dido

Shrugging off his guilty memories, a now 17 year old and dressed down Edmund Pevensie entered the still cold "palace". Prison was a more appropriate word, but he knew the prison too well here and it hurt him too much to think of it as that. He had been avoiding this place, desperately hoping it would melt away, but even when the Summer's brutal sun beat unmercifully against it and the warm wind swept through the empty halls it stood just as menacingly as before. Taking slow, deliberate steps, the lone boy moved cautiously towards the icy stairs. Upon reaching the top he was not surprised to find a fur shawl draped over the giant throne. It once looked royal and commanding, but now appeared careless and pathetic. His rough fingers gently brushed against the arm of the chair as even more memories flooded his already overwhelmed mind.

"_How dare you come alone!"_

He cringed, thinking of how ignorant he had been. He knew that noone had forgotten what he had done. Aslan said that it was over, that it shouldn't be spoken of, but it wasn't stopping anyone. He knew that people didn't trust him, and he knew that they called him a traitor when he wasn't around, and he knew that noone loved him as much as they loved Peter. Forgiveness is easy to profess, but forgetting is hopelessly hard to do. He was never comfortable making decisions on his own, and had a horrible time presenting a calm and confident manner the way the Susan and Peter did. He couldn't even fake happy, the happy Lucy naturally possessed. He was irreparably damaged. He knew it, they knew it, everyone knew it, and it broke his heart all the more.

Turning back to the great room, he made his somber way down the stairs. He scanned the chamber, before turning and making his way toward the prison. He set his head against the spiraling metal doors, not prepared for everything inside the cell. He took deep, shaking breaths that could be seen floating away from his flushing face. Finally, he leaned the rest of his weight onto it, swinging it loudly open. He let out a loud sigh upon spotting a set of chains he once thought would permanently be his own. He should be infuriated. He should be throwing a tantrum, or smashing something, but this sinking feeling washed over him. It was the kind of reminiscent sinking feeling that causes one to desire to lay alone in the dark for the remainder of their eternity. He sank to his knees, and covered his handsome face with worn hands. An unbearable pressure laid itself against his chest as his memories took control again.

"_You're here because he turned you in..." _

That statement had cut into him so deeply that the scar was still pink and fragile and caused his throat to dry up, all the water rushing to his eyes. He hadn't meant it as a betrayal. He hadn't been in Narnia for more than 5 minutes when a mysteriously majestic woman started questioning him. Of course, explaining himself had been what got him into trouble, so he had never bothered to attempt to explain himself to Tumnus. He had said I'm sorry. He had said it so many times that he often wondered if it was real. It didn't seem fair that it was so easy for everyone else to be so good, and he had to work so hard to even be acceptable.

A single tear slipped off of his romantic eyelashes and immediately froze when it landed gently on the floor. His fingertips brushed over the smooth spot where it had landed. He hated crying. Smiling a tragic smile, he pushed off of his calloused palms and rough knees, only to fall again. It was only then that a calm black overtook his clouded mind.

Two cherub-like arms encircled him the best that they could, cradling him on a loving shoulder. Feeling another weakness coming on, he pulled back, looking regretfully into Lucy's still innocent eyes. He was always amazed that no matter how many hearts she broke or battles she witnessed, the now 14 year old Lucy still held unwaveringly onto a childish outlook. He almost admired her for it. But, maybe innocence was a crutch to her, like anger and self pity were to him. The thoughts did little to comfort, to sober him, as he drifted off to near sleep again.

"It's over, Ed. We're out." Deep, melancholy brown eyes fluttered open. He was outside of the icy castle, squinting from the unwelcome sunlight. Lucy intertwined her short fingers with his slender ones, gently tugging him behind her. The pair traveled through abandoned forests and into a small opening that Edmund seemed to remember. The roar of a nearby waterfall massaged his ears and tempted him to fall to sleep for a third time. Then, He stepped on something foreign and hard; his stride immediately halting. Lucy spun around on her heal, golden brown hair smacking her in the face as she stared at his horrified expression. His eyes were glued to a nearly hidden something on the ground, his eyebrows were pulled down and his lips pressed tightly between his teeth.

"_Think about whose side your on, Edmund. Mine...or theirs."_

It was the first time he had cried in years. He cursed that day and the whirlwind of confusing times after that. Maybe if he would have stayed strong just that once, simply stood up to her, not crumpled weakly under her intense glare he would be able to move on. But that fox had been turned into a statue, a resting place for pigeons, a small souvenir of his weakness. Aslan may have returned the fox's life, but Edmund could hardly look the merciful creature in the eye.

It was barely noticable in the tall grass, but a stone butterfly lay abandoned and overgrown on the green earth. The waterfall now seemed to be taunting him, and all he could hear was her calm voice as she killed the yelping fox. Clenching his fists, determined to be stronger than he could be, he looked back up at Lucy, who had been studying him. He cleared a rising sense of sadness in his sore throat. Then, he took her hand again, and stayed in step with her this time, as they continued heading home. His eyes dared not wander back to the somber, abused places he had just been. He knew he needed those things to stay there, as another crutch or a reminder of his mistakes. Things in his mind either seemed to be one extreme or the other, and usually it was depressed. The very thought of how unhappy he always was pushed him even further into misery.

It had been a week or so since Edmund's last emotional breakdown and travel to the ice palace. Everyone, inevitably found out, and the rumors spread were, of course, worse than the truth. The others, as always, covered for him for a week afterwards, apologizing for his "unfortunate health issues". Edmund knew that noone would buy it. Sure, he was frailer these days, never quite recovering from his imprisonment, but Lucy had a magic healing potion for Christ's sake! But, no matter how many drops of that red liquid made their way into his system, he never gained an appetite, or felt emotionally any better.

He knew that life wasn't supposed to be this hard: lying on a grand bed, tears soaking both sides of the pillows, reflecting on a young life already gone sour.

Fireflies danced methodically throughout the room, providing the sole illumination in harmonious patterns. The tiny lights reflected off of his glassy eyes. Closing those entrancing and currently swollen eyes, he groaned, rolling onto two unfamiliar feet. Purposefully forgetting to put shoes or proper clothes on, he tugged on his heavy oak door. His footfalls gently pitter-pattered back and forth down the corrider. Forcing open another thick door and softly clicking it shut he entered yet another warm darkness, this one filled with an abundance of waltzing fireflies. He slipped into an already occupied bed with a quiet creaking. She turned over, opening her merciful round eyes.

"Are you alright?" She questioned, her own voice cracking, tears nearly spilling onto her cheeks at his pathetic appearance. She had waited to ask that question for so long and now it seemed obsolete and words served only as a nuisance. Still, he answered her.

"I don't think so, Lu." He sniffed out softly. "Could I just stay in here with you for a while?" Salty tears again again made their painful tracks on his raw face, over his royal nose, and onto her pillows.

"Of course." It was more like a breathe than a true response. Graceful droplets now danced over her features as well. She took him into her warm embrace, mixing their tears. He felt loved only when with her, and he felt horrible for making her cry, but he feared that without her, he would hurt himself again.

She would never question him, or make him feel worthless, and she would always be there for him. Because she was his sister, and because she was Lucy. Burying his face into her shoulder, he allowed himself to completely breakdown, shaking violently with gasping breaths. Silently, she stroked his back, her angelic tears dropping into his hair, attempting to save him from himself.

The night came and went with the only trace of last nights affairs as the salty mix of dejected and sympathetic tears on Lucy's pillows. He had woken up early, and tucked Lucy in tighter, kissing her lightly on her forehead before tiptoeing back into his own room. When she had awoken with the first sunbeams kissing her delicate cheekbones, Lucy wondered if it was all a dream, but the stain and her slightly puffy eyelids proved otherwise.

Edmund sat slumped in a plush chair at the breakfast table for an hour before anyone else showed up.The chair had been unoccupied for sometime, the place settings empty and overturned when he arrived. He didn't bother them, though, he still felt too hollow to eat.

It was this cycle of contentment, joy, resentment, hostility, hate, depression, and then nothing. There was this gap somewhere between the sadness and the contentment that he knew was coming. It was his least favorite of the cycle. He didn't know how to react to anything or what to say. He felt useless, and unable. Footsteps broke through his thoughts as Susan entered the room, her pace decisive even in the wake of sleep. She gave him a sweet look, a **gentle** look. It was her look. He appreciated it, even if it made him feel uncomfortable.

"Feeling better?" Her voice was chipper, and the change in pace threw him. He liked it.

"Yes." He croaked, his voice sounding foreign and unused. He cleared his throat before continuing, "Thank you." That was better.

"I'm so glad." Their sentences almost overlapped into awkward noises. Her eyes kindly rested on his features. He looked so worn out, but he was going to have to get over it at some point. It's growing up, realizing that being the disappointment only gives you room to impress others later. It was a hard lesson, but everyone struggles, and Susan's patience with the boy was thinning. Still, she pretended to be perfect and loving and sweet and understanding. Because she was Susan.

'It's just because she's Susan' Edmund repeated to himself mentally. 'She wouldn't pretend to be sympathetic just to shield me or trick me. It's just Susan. She can't help it that she doesn't know how to act around me...hell, I don't even know how to act around me. I'm like a— '

Peter then entered the room, jarring Edmund from his thought. "Good morning." The blonde greeted, seating himself at a place with warm food awaiting. Taking notice of Edmund's overturned plates and cup, he motioned to them "You want me to– "

"No. I'm fine."Lucy then stepped into the room, her slippered feet scuffling to her chair. She was unlike herself, silent and groggy.

"Are you feeling well?" Susan inquired, placing a lady like hand to Lucy's forehead.

"Just tired, that's all." The younger girl replied, brushing off Susan's hand and managing a weak smile. The rest of the breakfast passed in small talk and daily plans. It was dull, and they all four ended up leaving the table without excuses. Peter drifted off towards the ocean, he loved to sit and just feel it in the mornings. Susan meandered to her room, undoubtedly to make herself "presentable", something which she seemingly needed to always achieve, even if there was noone to present herself to. Lucy walked through the halls, looking for a simple job she could help with. And Edmund, our Edmund remained seated for quite some time, just loving the cozy feel of the room. It was everything he needed, and everything he hated, but that was why he was Edmund.

So good or no good?

PLEASE review. (Critiques greatly appreciated!)

–Tugging at Sunbeams


	2. Caring is Creepy

Ok, well I'm not quite as pleased with this chapter as I was the last one. I wasn't really going for any particular thing with this one, I just kind of started writing and ran with it. It turned out pretty good for being written in just a little over an hour.

Yes, I will probably make this romance-y too, because heart ache is probably the biggest source of angst. And God, do I love angst.

**Suggested Listening:**

"The Frog Prince" --Keane

"Back to You"--John Mayer

"Goodnight and Go"--Imogen Heap

"Secret"--Maroon5

"Beauty and the Mess"--Nickel Creek

and of course "Caring is Creepy"--The Shins

**"It's a luscious mix of words and tricks  
That let us bet when you know we should fold  
On rocks I dreamt of where we'd stepped  
And the whole mess of roads we're now on. "**

Edmund was bored. Lets face it, dancing, or in his case, watching people dance, was extremely boring. He sat on his throne, chin propped on an elbow and observed with great scrutiny Peter's dancing partner. She was, no doubt, beautiful and she seemed to be genuinely interested in his brother. And that was the problem. He didn't want things to change around Cair Paravel. For so long it had just been the four of them, and now Peter and Susan's growing interest in the opposite sex threatened everything.

What if everyone grew up but him? What if they all got married and forgot to come rescue him when the sadness took over and he couldn't help but hurt himself.

The thought buzzed in his head as the music slowed and died. The other three royals walked gracefully up the few stairs to their thrones. Susan threw Edmund a sharp look, silently shouting at him to straighten up. He did, but not after rolling his eyes dramatically. Peter had a ridiculous smile plastered on his face.

**Love**, Edmund scoffed._ Probably just infatuation. Why should I fool around with a bunch of girls_, he thought bitterly, _when there is only one out there for me. _And he sure as hell wouldn't act that ridiculous when he met her. But love was not something he had worked into his future plans. It would only serve as a distraction or a nuisance. He was positive that love would be the end of the reign of the Pevensies.

It would work it's sickly way into their hearts and eat away at their instincts. It would leave traces of it's perfume every where and drug them until they didn't know wrong from right. It would pull them apart by the seams without them even knowing it. He was sure of it.

He tried not to dwell on these things too long as a toast was already proposed and nearly finished by some high ranking centaur. He quickly lifted his glass, just in time to bring it back down and take a good drink of it. He was thankful for the alcohol on a night like this. It burned it's way down his throat and the sensation made him feel alive, his fingertips started tingling. Susan disapproved of the drink, but he was, in Narnia, an adult and there wasn't much she could say to get him to stop consuming it.

Without warning, the music came alive again, as did many dancers. Lucy rushed from her seat to snatch up Mr. Tumnus for the next dance. Susan carefully chose one of the many men that had tripped over each other to get to her, and began romantically swirling about the floor. Peter returned to the lovely dark-haired woman he was so enchanted with and led her to a marble bench, out of sight to most, but not Edmund. He couldn't sit there and watch them do those disgusting puppy love things: holding hands, looking at each other in the eyes without moving, kissing on the cheek. He felt dirty just thinking about it, but somewhere in the back of his mind a thought evolved and became prominent. Would anyone ever truly want him?

Narnia needed him, but he wasn't sure if it wanted him. He was the traitor, the irresponsible one. However, he could make the best decisions while under pressure. Apparently, getting under that pressure didn't earn much respect, so he remained the irresponsible one. It didn't bother him much.

He was now pacing steadily along the edge of the crowd gathered around the dance floor. Noone really looked at him. Just as the grim thought popped into his head, he felt a pair of inquisitive green eyes on him. He stared back, blankly, and she raised and eyebrow and then turned back to the group of ladies she was gossiping with.

A rush of cool air hit him in the face as he stepped out onto a balcony. He glanced over his shoulder, into a room full of laughter, before letting out a sigh and walking to the end of the banister. It was as far away from the celebration as he could get, but he still felt suffocated. Breathing deeply, he bowed his head. He didn't even realize it had happened until he heard it clink and clatter against the cobblestones below. His crown had fallen.

Laughing sarcastically, he ran his slim fingers through his dark brown hair.

"Would you like me to get that?" A feminine voice came from behind him.

"No," Edmund admitted, finally turning around. "I rather like my appearance without it." He flashed the girl a wide smile, and she returned it. Her green eyes sparkled as a small giggle escaped her lips.

"Me too."

"I thought women liked shiny things." He joked, finding himself immediately at ease with the total stranger.

"Well, then, your Majesty, you'll be happy to know that I am no woman," Her tone dripped with sarcasm and good nature, "I am merely a girl."

He laughed,"How old are you?"

"I just turned seventeen." She was obviously proud of the achievement.

"Happy Birthday, then. But I am seventeen and am a man, so how is it that you are simply a girl?"

"It's a choice really. I don't do much with my hair," She pulled at a wavy golden blonde strand near her face, "I pretend to hate dresses," Laughter erupted from her throat as she fingered some of the deep purple material. "I convince myself that all boys have a disease."

Edmund found himself laughing without even knowing it, he had been entranced with her small movements. Could anything this lovely really refuse to be? He loved the contradiction.

"And what might your name be?" He inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh!" Her eyes widened, and she quickly dipped her head into a small curtsey, "I'm Addison Liloqui, your Majesty." He laughed again, he really loved this feeling he had around her. He felt carefree, but it could have been partly the alcohol.

"Please," He started, "We are practically old friends now. I'm Ed, to you."

"Alright, Ed, then I'm Addi." She giggled, and they locked gazes. After a short awkward pause, she added. "Shall we go retrieve that trinket now?"

"We shall." He walked close to her, before turning and offering her his arm.

Three pairs of similar blue eyes watched as their Edmund strode confidently through the hall. He had a lovely girl on his arm and they both were holding in violent laughs rather poorly. He looked happy, and not the temporary manic happy he sometimes had, genuinely happy. And...wait, where was his crown?

"...and when she woke up she was _covered_ in seaweed. She freaked out, it was hilarious." Ed finished the story just as the couple walked out into the garden. Addi suddenly broke out into a run, nearly tripping over her long dresses. Edmund took off after her, realizing th game she was playing. She bent down and scooped up the crown and turned around to see the defeated Edmund jogging up to her. She placed the silver piece of metal on her head, striking a dramatic pose.

"What do you think?" She asked, opening one eye to look at him.

His face broke out into a smile. " I think you look better in it than I do." She relaxed, throwing the crown at his stomach, and he, surprisingly, caught it. "I feel ridiculous in it." He admitted, examining it with his fingertips in the poor lighting. The small statement brought both of them crashing out of the high they had been riding since meeting one another, less than an hour ago.

"It does attract those women though."

"Yeah." Her joke fell flat in the thick air between them.

"Would, um, would you like to dance?" She stumbled over her words, a light blush spreading across her cheeks. Edmund had still been scrutinizing the crown, stiffened at the proposal. He didn't suspect that she meant anything by it, but he looked her directly in the eye and delivered a message he didn't mean.

"No." It came out unfeeling and cold, and she bowed her head in embarrassment. He didn't wait for another word to be spoken, turning on his heel, he walked solemnly back into the great hall, crown still in perfect tact on his head.

He liked Addi very much, and wished that he could dance with her, but dancing meant being close to someone and moving together. It was a gateway drug to love. He couldn't take any chances. _Why couldn't we just be best friends? _He wondered, while seating himself once again at his throne, and downing another drink. _God knows I could use one of those._

**"****Hold your glass up, hold it in  
Never betray the way you've always known it is."  
**

Alright, so this time, kids, I'm accepting no less than five new reviews before I go on. You can do it!

Just tell me how you felt about it, and if you love or hate where it is going.

--Tugging at Sunbeams--


	3. Split Screen Sadness

1Ok, so I cracked. I wrote this today, and I just had to post it as soon as it was done, even if you guys did only give me four reviews (sniff, sniff).

**Suggesting Listening:**

"Isobel"–Dido

"Must Be Dreaming"–Frou Frou

"Chasing Cars"–Snow Patrol

"Wonderwall"–Oasis

"Losing My Religion"–REM

"Satellite"–Dave Matthews Band

and of course... "Split Screen Sadness"

"**I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me, **

**So I can say 'This is the way that I used to be',"**

It had been one week since the ball where he met Addi, three weeks since he took an agonizing journey to the White Witch's palace, and a little over five years since he entered Narnia. All were events that for some reason, occupied his thought more than they should have. After a massive hangover the day following the ball, he began to regret not dancing with the entrancing girl.

She probably didn't mean anything by asking him, she just wanted to have fun. He wished he knew more about her so he could find a way to invite her to the banquet Susan was arranging in honor of his eighteenth birthday. He was sure it would be fabulous, despite the way Sue talked about it as if it was a small get-together.

"**And it stinks when it's nobody's fault**

'**cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of a name**

**it's only the air you took, and the breath you left"**

He grew up in a world where eighteen was one of the biggest birthdays, but he didn't feel like it would be any different than any others he had celebrated. He would most likely spend the entire day saying 'Thank you', which wasn't his most practiced, or used, phrase.

Feeling bored with the scenery around his balcony, he meandered down to the garden, and into a complicated maze. In the middle was a magnificent fountain, but the rushing of water would hardly help him navigate it's complex green pathways. Right now, he didn't mind getting lost in this little heaven.

His thought floated back to Addi. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ He wondered, shaking his head in a vain attempt to throw her out. He was a King, he had bigger things to worry about than if he would ever be able to talk to some girl again.

_Why was love so important anymore?_ Love had always been important, his mind reminded him. Love was the reason your siblings accepted you. Love was the reason that Aslan did what he did. Love is why you are alive.

_But I don't love Addi! _He argued internally. _I don't even know her!_

He hadn't been paying attention, and he was somehow already in the center of the maze. A fountain made of marble stood proudly, surrounded by roses and other sweet smelling flowers. Lucy loved this place more than any other and she made sure it was beautiful. Edmund smiled to himself, Lucy was so adorable sometimes. She always needed his help getting to the middle, or his help getting out. He couldn't imagine ever being as spiteful to her as he used to be.

"**I don't know where you went when you left me but,**

**It says here in the water, you must be gone by now,**

**I can tell somehow."**

Sitting down on the edge of the fountain, he dipped his fingers into the cool water, letting it slip out of his hand as he raised it. His eyes wandered over the statue: and sleek looking unicorn reared up on it's back two feet. It didn't look frightened or in pain, as he was used to most statues looking. It looked elegant and powerful as water flowed around it's ankles and spurted from its horn. Even in all of it's majesty, Edmund still shuddered at the thought that many statues had seen were now walking around.

"Ed!" A voice broke through the loud noise of the falling water. "Edmund?" It was Lucy.

"I'm in here Lu!" He called back, drying his hand on his leg.

"You know I can't do this on my own!" She yelled back, sounding a little more than desperate. A smile broke out on his face at her tone.

"Ok, just find a bench to sit on, and I'll find you!" Shouting, he stood, and began working his way in the direction of her voice. She wasn't far from the center, but was shoved way back in a corner, nervously tapping her foot as she sat waiting on a bench. Her eyes raised from the floor to see him.

"Oh, Edmund!" She shouted, running to him and throwing her arms around his middle.

"I came looking for you, and I got lost and I thought I would never find my way out!" He gently removed her from his body, and kissed the top of her head.

"I'll always come for you, Lu." He assured her. The kindness in his voice made her reattach herself to him, this time hugging on his arm.

"It's almost time for your party, you know." She said, looking up at him through thick eyelashes.

"Ha!" He laughed, "It's still early afternoon! We have at least a few hours, silly girl!"

"You're the silly one!" The accusation was met with chuckles from both persons. "We need at least that long to get ready! Plus, you know that someone always shows up early, and you simply **must** be there to welcome everyone." It all came out in one breath, and she had to gulp in air when she was finished.

"Alright, let's go then." He decided, even if he didn't need that long to get ready, he shouldn't let his thoughts take him away, or he could very well end up being late for the banquet. He led her through the bends and well kept walls. She let go of his arm when they finally exited, only to grasp his hand in hers and escort him inside. The little things Lucy did, probably without noticing, were the best. She stopped him before they split off to go to their separate rooms, and placed herself in front of him. Taking his other hand in hers, she looked him directly in the eye, a very serious look crossing her face.

"You know that I'll always come for you too, right?" The words made his heart tighten and swell at the same time.

"I do know it." He answered, squeezing her hands lovingly, and leaning down to kiss her forehead. She sighed in relief, and stood on her tip-toes, kissing his cheek lightly, before skipping off into her room. Edmund watched her go, a tragic smile on his face.

A few hours later, he entered the great hall, which was set up with three rows of long tables filled with delicious looking food. It was definitely much bigger than Susan had made it out to be. Everyone stood and clapped as he walked slowly over to his seat, nodding his head as he met eyes with some he recognized. He took his seat at the head of the middle table and motioned for everyone to sit down.

He sighed when, finally, everyone began eating and all eyes weren't on him. He scanned the room, small smile attached to his lips until his eyes locked with a familiar pair of green ones. They were hurt but sadistically happy and a smile was forming on her face and his fell. She mouthed 'Happy Birthday' before looking away. He was in shock, and only one word flew through his head.

_Addi!_

"**I still wish you'd fought me till your dying day**

**Don't let me get away."**

Haha, sorry for being so predictable. I just kind of love cheesy things sometimes. I decided, after some prompting, to bring Lucy back into the story.

Please review!

Oh, and is anyone enjoying the listening list? If not, I will just stop doing it.

–Tugging At Sunbeams–


	4. Unlike Me

1Sorry that it's been so long. I really expected to have this out sooner, but I rewrote it about a million times. Also, school has started up, (I'm a big bad junior!) and my load of extracurriculars is surprisingly overwhelming. I actually added another because I thought I would be bored–Oops! Haha, anyways that's really no excuse, and I'm truly sorry, but this chapter contains some key information, and I had a very hard time deciding how to bring it out. (Plus I've kind of fallen in love with Lucy, and wanted to make sure she was included, and not focus too much on our girl, Addi.) Blah, I'm babbling. Sorry. On with it!

Disclaimer: You seriously think I own anything other than these socks? Your wack.

Suggested Listening:

"X&Y"–Coldplay

"Satellite"–Dave Matthews Band

"The Moment I Said It"–Imogen Heap

"Reasons Why" Nickel Creek

"World Spins Madly On"–The Weepies

"Calm Down"–Psapp

"Unlike Me"–Kate Havnevik

He chose to ignore the knots in his stomach and pounding in his ears as he watched her sip some dark red wine. Tonight was no night for mangled emotions. It was his birthday and he _would_ be happy. Dinner was steaming and proclaimed by some guests as splendid, but as always the food was bland on Edmunds tongue. He didn't blame the cooks, or his often raw emotions, he just didn't enjoy eating anymore. Tonight, he tried to make an exception. He ate until he felt like he may not be able to stand, but it actually made him enjoy it less. He made a point to avoid the wine. Still, a silly smile was plastered to his face. He was eighteen. An adult in the 'Other World', or the 'true world' as he often thought of it.

"**The past, the present, and the future**

**are all side by side, hand in hand"**

Guests began to filter into another chamber, the music grew and atmosphere changed from formal to joyous and carefree. Edmund wobbled to his feet, glad that the shift in weight made his stomach feel less like it might burst. Entering the great hall, with Lucy on his arm, of course, he headed for his throne. The music was changing, slowing, into a familiar rhythm. Suddenly, as if on impulse, Lucy ran to the dance floor, pulling Ed behind her. She gazed up at him, flushed and beaming, before pulling him closer, and beginning an endearing waltz. He could feel her rushed pulse against his palms, chuckling at how she had slight stage fright. She had no reason to be nervous, she looked beautiful, acted perfect, danced like she was Susan's age, treated everyone just as she should, and loved everyone like she shouldn't.

"**I love the way you live so intensely**

**Enjoy every minute of life"**

She let go of him as the music once again began to build, moving on to some spritely creature. He stood still for a moment, then moved to the side of the floor, where some older male guests waited to tease him about the dance and congratulate him on his birthday. They patted his back, and joked endlessly. There was only so much of this odd way of acting that he could take, and he broke away not long after arriving, taking a few steps backward until he felt a cool marble pillar pressed against his back. Letting out a sigh, he relaxed, letting himself slide down against the smooth stone a little.

Not far away, but in a seemingly opposite atmosphere, girls swirled about Addi, as she stared half-unaware at Edmund. "You think I should?" A beautiful red head asked to her left, tugging at her arm.

"I'm sorry, what?" Addi snapped back to reality, looking at the expectant girl, who rolled her eyes before repeating:

"Do you think I should go ask King Edmund to dance?" Her eyes sparkled.

"Why ask me?" Addi blushed a little. She knew why, she just wanted to hear it.

"Oh, come on. We all know that you spent more than your fair share of time with him at the last ball." The other girls giggled.

"Well-"

"Of course you should. Why do you need Addi's approval?" A rather undignified volcano of words interrupted Addi's response. The red-head looked shocked and somehow relieved, but she once again gazed at Addi.

"He doesn't like dancing much." The blonde stated simply, before walking away.

"She just wants him all to herself." The one who interrupted before tried to explain, nudging the other on. But just as she was nearing him, he stood and passed her, completely unaware of her intentions. She turned, flabbergasted, to watch him go in the direction Addi went. Her mouth gaped open as she locked eyes with the other girl.

"**The room it keeps a constant tone, **

**while I'm on a roller coaster" **

Addi now sat on a marble bench, on the other side of the dancing. She couldn't be around those girls too much. The way they talked about men constantly and fussed over details, and now fawning over Edmund. It was a little too much. So, she sat, rather unlady like, hands gripping the edge of the bench, and regarding the floor with newfound interest.

Then, out of nowhere, a hand stuck out in front of her face. She gazed as it for a moment before looking up for the attached body and face. Unfortunately it was who she thought it would be. Edmund. He smiled at her widely, looking endearing and ridiculous all at once.

"Would you care to dance with me?" He inquired, tilting his head to the side. She didn't respond, but accepted his hand, and he led her out onto the dance floor and into the middle of a slow waltz. Two pairs of jealous eyes gawked from the side as the two dancing simply looked on each others blank faces.

"No." She suddenly stated.

"I beg your pardon?" He laughed a little, moving his face closer to hers.

"No I do not want to dance with you."

"Oh," His smile fell and he began to slow, but she forced them on. "Then why are you?"

"Because it is your birthday." She responded, as formally as possible. "And because that is what is proper to do when asked, whether or not you want to."

"Listen , I'm sorry–" He was going on to explain, but she cut him off.

"Ed!" She suddenly burst out into hushed laughs, frightening him a little. "You know I'm only teasing. I love dancing, and may I say, you are quite good at it."

"**With space to swing your arms around,**

**Laughing loudly"**

He blushed a little at the compliment, "Thank you."

His bashfulness made her smile widen. "You're welcome." she whispered.

When the song was over, he kept her hand clasped in his, leading her away from the crowds and discreetly into an abandoned hallway. They both immediately sat on the floor on opposite sides, sighing.

"Who are you here with?" He asked.

"Oh, um just the people I live with." She replied, looking down at her skirts, immediately interested in the deep shade of green that brought out her eyes.

"The ones you sat with?"

"Yes." It was so soft that he wondered if it had been a breath or a word.

"Why are you with him?" Ed had noticed that she had been with two other girls at dinner, along with an older man from a neighboring country. It was well known that in that country having more than one wife, or even mistresses was not against the law and seeing her with them ignited something in the pit of his stomach, making him squirm.

"I work for him." Looking back up at Ed, she managed a weak smile.

"Please tell me it's not what I'm thinking." His words were heavy, and he shut his eyes.

"It's not what your thinking." Hers seemed weak and didn't comfort him much. "Can we talk about something else?" She got no response.

"**You stare at me and ask me questions,**

**Makes me nervous"**

"Addi!" A gruff voice called, becoming louder with the unsteady approach of footsteps. The man Edmund had seen her sitting with earlier appeared in the doorway. Both of the youths nearly jumped to their feet. "Your highness," He stated as best he could, but his words were obviously slurred. Edmund nodded.

"And you are?"

"Sir Scott Wyatt, Your Highness." The alcohol threatened to spill out of his heavily ornamented glass.

"Pleasure." Edmund spat, and Addi gave him a sharp look.

"Yeah...I see you've met my girl, Addison, mind if I borrow her for a second?" Scott threw his arm around Addi's waist territorially, and Edmund shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, but do be quick, we were right in the middle of a very nice conversation." Ed lied smoothly.

Scott nodded drunkly before dragging Addi around the corner. Out of curiosity, Ed followed peering around the corner slightly. He could see Scott grab Addi by her upper arm, pushing her up against the wall, and Ed's heart tightened. Her face twisted in pain and disgust as he drew close to her, whispering sharp, harsh words, that echoed in the hallways and lost sense by the time they reached Edmund's ears. Growling rather loudly, Scott turned from her and stormed back, past Edmund and into the great hall. He didn't even notice the King standing at the corner, watching him.

Stepping around the bend, Ed saw Addi, once again seated on the floor, either fuming or hysterical, he couldn't tell by the way her golden hair hung around her face. He sat down directly in front of her, and she began furiously straightening her appearance.

"It's what I think it is, isn't it." It made it easier to say if the question was vague.

"Yes." She choked back. She understood, and that was just about as horrible as anything.

"**Unlike you, unlike you,**

**I am not pretending" **

Eh, I'm not completely satisfied with it. It feels pretty wordy to me, but hey, it got the story moving, right? That's all I really wanted. I promise, once I get into the right schedule my writing will be back on par.

Please review!

-Tugging at Sunbeams-


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